how I discovered i was in the wrong major

Harder, Monica and Sativa Saposnek. "Observation and Analysis of Heart Rate in the Frog." Biology 101 Lab Report, Reed College (1992): 3.

I am mortified in retrospect that Sativa and I actually handed this in as our lab report.

And yet I remember how much fun we had writing this "Materials and Methods" section, how little we actually understood, and how much we hated analysing data and putting it into language as dry and tasteless as a salt-free cracker. Not to mention, we were at Reed—an environment which fed our intellects as it fueled our rebellion against them. We were learning how to wade through the boggiest theories and come out the other end with a decent paper in hand and our sides aching from laughter or tears or both. Unfortunately, we had to dissect a few frogs along the way.

This is the document that cemented our friendship. We had taken turns all night at her computer trying to write it, not understanding how to analyse and interpret our data correctly. We were exhausted. At one point, I broke down crying I was so frustrated and stuck. Sativa calmed me, ordered me to bed and took over. Sometime later, I awoke to her crumpled at the foot of my bed, stifling her own sobs. I stumbled to her side and burst into tears which sent us both into fits of screeching, crawling, hysterical laughter.

Somehow, we got the lab report finished and turned in on time. Somehow, we got a B on it. Somehow, we weren't thrown out of Bio101 for academic insolence. And somehow, I decided to major in Literature.

atomic butterfly

My first performance out in the tribal world. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be dancing on a stage before hundreds of people, I would have grimaced and proclaimed their insanity.

Since China, I have learned to appreciate obscurity, to not draw attention to myself or stand out in a crowd. Not out of fear, but rather out of a desire for peace. I have wanted neither praise nor criticism, scrutiny nor speculation. I think it really freaked me out in China how much attention I got and yet how alienated I felt.

And yet here I am, dancing with fabulous women in a fabulous troupe. Only three of us could go to the festival, so we had ourselves a little roadtrip and a lot of fun. We wore bright butterfly colors and danced with light props that Beth created. We didn't get a huge audience reaction, but it didn't matter. We had fun just being up there together and dancing. That's how I wanted it to be and fortunately, that's how it has been.